INTEGRITY

            I have been journaling lately, and I feel conflicted when I reread my entries. I wonder if I have been acting with integrity. I decided to start by looking up the definition of integrity on dictionary.com

in·teg·ri·ty

noun

1. adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.

2. the state of being whole, entire, or undiminished: to preserve the integrity of the empire.

3. a sound, unimpaired, or perfect condition: the integrity of a ship's hull.

Do I adhere to sound moral and ethical principles 100% of the time? Am I the same person no matter who I am around? In recent journal writings, I’ve discovered that I act differently depending on the person or people I am around. I even use different language at times!  I sheepishly admit *blushing* choice words slip off my tongue that shouldn’t while in certain company. Can anyone relate? No wonder I feel conflicted! Or is it convicted? This bible verse comes to mind:

Proverbs 15:4 NIV

A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.

With that being confessed, the question remains - who am I? Or, the bigger question is, who do I want to be? I sincerely want to show God’s love to others ALL the time. I want to be known as a trustworthy, honest and caring person. However, the problem is, I also want to be accepted and liked by everyone. I fear that some people may not accept me if they figure out I am a Christian. Why does this matter? It shouldn’t.

Can I act with integrity sometimes, and then act differently when I am in different company? The answer is NO! Hence, my feeling conflicted. I have come to the realization that I have a choice to make and I choose God! I choose my Lord and Savior. I choose to be a woman of my word and His Word, regardless of what others may think. I feel better, less conflicted, this very moment just by making that choice. I know I will still make mistakes, I will stumble. I will recognize the feelings and correct my path right away if I feel myself falling into the old habit of people pleasing. Wow, I am out of the spiritual closet, so to speak! It feels good.

If you are feeling conflicted, or have been questioning your own integrity, I hope you make a solid choice one way or the other too. Words cannot express how much better I feel now. Life is all about the choices we make. Let’s make some good ones today!

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If you do not have a relationship with Jesus Christ and would like one, please talk to someone who does! They can answer questions and help you make the right choice. I copied a simple prayer below that I will say often to remind myself of the path I have chosen.

"Heavenly Father, have mercy on me, a sinner. I believe in you and that your word is true. I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of the living God and that he died on the cross so that I may now have forgiveness for my sins and eternal life. I know that without you in my heart my life is meaningless.

I believe in my heart that you, God, raised Him from the dead. Please Jesus forgive me, for every sin I have ever committed or done in my heart, please Lord Jesus forgive me and come into my heart as my personal Lord and Savior today. I need you to be my Father and my friend.

I give you my life and ask you to take full control from this moment on; I pray this in the name of Jesus Christ."

Amen.