Feelings and Emotions

You can feel them, but not touch them. They can be strong enough to cause intense pain, yet not leave a visible mark on you.

This is something that Jesus has been working on in me. Sometimes it is hard for me to express feelings in a way that I feel others will understand. Often, I am afraid to express my feelings because it may hurt someone else’s feelings. When someone else’s hurt or negative feelings show, I feel guilty or responsible. I feel as if I caused that person to feel or act in a hurtful way. Yet, I don’t want to show those feelings either. This is an emotional rollercoaster!  It seems so complicated, yet should be simple.   

A recent experience caused me to think a lot about feelings and emotions.  I had a scheduled doctor’s appointment that was 200 miles away from home. When I arrived, I was notified by the clerk that my appointment had been cancelled by the practitioner, who was on vacation for the week.  He insisted, as a matter of fact, that I had been notified of the cancellation.   

I mentioned above that sometimes I have a hard time expressing my feelings. Well, not this time! I had a big girl meltdown, complete with tears, snot, sweat, ragged breathing and stuttering. Right there, in the front office of the medical clinic! In front of a clerk who, at this point looked mortified. My heart was racing and I felt out of control of my emotions for a little while. Pain and hurt surfaced. Then embarrassment set in. I left and did not reschedule the appointment.

I couldn’t figure out what was more disappointing, the day off of work (I work commission only, so this also meant a day with no pay), or that the issue I made the appointment for would not be resolved. Or, was it the smug way the news was delivered? Nope!  Sorry to say, it was none of the above.

Lucky for me, (sarcasm…) I had a three hour drive home to contemplate what happened. All the feelings and emotions that I kept bottled up for months, perhaps years, surfaced, triggered by a single discouraging moment. I was reminded of past mistakes and wrongs going back years. Every personal negative comment I heard and those pesky negative thoughts I have about myself all surfaced at once. I look back now and see how the enemy was at work. This was not the first time for this. I pray it will be the last.

I know God does not want me to keep all that emotional pain and negativity bottled up. And he certainly does not want me to feel the way I felt that day. That is why He has a personal relationship with me, and I with Him. I need to go to Him with my troubles and, and cast my cares on Him. Once I was able to get on the road headed home, I was tearfully reminded of a verse in my bible:

Matthew 6:27 (NIV) -Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

I pulled over and prayed for quite a while. I had another cry, a cleansing moment where I felt broken and knew I needed Jesus’ help. I asked Him to help me, and I thanked him for comforting me in my moment of need. I need to do so much better with asking for heavenly guidance with emotional turmoil.  The only way to fully deal with pain and emotional suffering is to bring issues to the feet of Jesus Christ.  We can relieve ourselves of so much worry and internal pain this way. Jesus clearly lets us know we are not gaining anything by stressing and worrying.

This experience opened my eyes. I am far from being perfect, and will always need to acknowledge my emotions. I will do my best to not let things get so out of control. I know that it is not healthy for me to hold negative emotions and stress inside.  I will swell up and burst at the most inopportune moment as so clearly demonstrated above. Instead, I will allow myself to feel the emotions as they occur, and seek guidance through prayer.

I am embarrassed to post this, yet I feel compelled to do exactly that. I am afraid of what people will think of me. It is so easy to get caught up in these negative emotions – so I am posting, and praying. I invite and welcome comments or email.

Good Morning!
God brings people into our lives, and causes situations occur that we may not understand.  But He does!  Praise Him! Visiting this past Sunday with a friend from church changed my mindset and, in a lot of ways changed me. I realized, although it may seem unrelated to the lunch and fellowship with our hostess, my heart was molded. The trees and the relaxed atmosphere of the visit calmed me and I was able to focus on what I need to do. I know that God is working, because my heart was at peace, and is still at peace as I move forward with my plans. Today I made the decision to continue my writing, which had come to a recent standstill. I decide today to move forward and not let discouraging thoughts and fear stop me in keeping with His perfect will. 
I have also reevaluated my priorities and goals. I will write more about this in the future. It is my hope and prayer that, if anyone reading this blog is fighting a similar battle with discouragement, they turn to God and He will show them the true path to follow.  Once shown this path, I pray we all stay on it, seeking constant guidance and encouragement to continue moving forward. 

Dear Heavenly Father,
I thank you for all the blessings in my life.  I ask for continued guidance and that You direct my path.  It is my desire to remain in Your will.  Help me to be faithful servant in my writing, that I may help others to lean on You for You  alone know what is best for us.  You are my Saviour and my Provider - in times of rejoicing and in times of need. Thank you for loving me, even when I stray - and for always welcoming me back home no matter the hour.
In Jesus' precious name, Amen.

Hospitality

While at church a couple weeks ago, my family was invited to have lunch at the home of an acquaintance. We had visited with this beautiful woman a few times at church, and she opened her home today and welcomed us, as well as another couple, to a scrumptious lunch. I could tell she had taken a great deal of effort with her preparations.  Her home is in a beautiful mountain setting and she happily gave us a tour of not only her house, relaxing wrap around porch and garden, and perhaps, most notably, she offered a glimpse into the caring person she is. The fellowship was amazing, the atmosphere calming to the spirit.  She stepped out of her comfort zone to invite us over, and showed us a genuine example of hospitality. We were blessed to be there, and I feel blessed now thinking about the experience.

Have you ever felt the urge to step outside of that zone, and invite someone to lunch? To do something kind for an acquaintance or stranger with no expectation of reward? When we neglect these urges, I believe we miss out on blessings. These blessings are gifts that will fuel us to continue on this quest of kindness and generosity. Ignore the desire to do kind and generous things, and eventually the desire may go away. I don’t want to miss out on blessings! I know this seems repetitive, since my last blog was similar, however, I feel I needed to write about this again for my own development. I need to be continually reminded, until it becomes a habit.

Let’s bless someone at the next urging!  I welcome comments if you want to share how acts of kindness have changed you in some way.

Matthew 6:19-20 (NIV)

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

1 Peter 4:8-10 (NIV)

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.