Healing Continues (My recovery - and lack of patience!)

I know I stopped writing about my illness and healing. I did this out of frustration. But it is now time to finish the hospital portion of the story and how the grace of God was with me during this trial.

After multiple tests over a two week period, it was discovered that I had a large mass and aneurysm on my portal vein, which was covered by thrombus (blood clot.)  Tests also showed that I have a genetic blood disorder called Factor V Leiden, which causes blood clotting. I was placed on blood thinning medication amongst other things. I had a hard time sitting around my room, so I was allowed to roam the hospital with my handy IV pole - which I decorated.  

Two attempts were made to biopsy the mass, but both rendered nothing. My portal vein was blocked. A large team of doctors were caring for me, and it was decided that I would undergo a Whipple surgery on January 13th. It would begin as exploratory, and advance as necessary. 

I was told by my surgeon that the mass was most likely a sarcoma. The C word scared me, but I kept my faith, even when he told me that it was 99% sure this was the case. There was no other reason for the mass and blood clot. If it was cancer, then I would begin Chemotherapy and go from there. The surgery would most likely damage my pancreas, and I would need to inject insulin for the rest of my life. I began researching the surgery on the internet, and knew that the long term prognosis (5 years) was not good.  

This is where my Savior Jesus comes in. I felt stronger in my faith than ever before. I began reading online devotionals, the chaplain brought me a copy of the New Testament since I did not have my bible with me. I had many loving people praying for me. Most of my nurses were christian as well, and they would visit with me, even coming in on their off days or before/after shifts to see me. Work friends stopped by. I felt strong and ready to face anything.

January 13th finally came. I woke up that morning feeling strong and unafraid. I knew that whatever happened that day, in that operating room, I would not be alone. Either I would survive or I would go into the arms of my Savior. My only sadness was that I would miss everyone here.

I spoke to the doctors prior to surgery and signed all of the necessary paperwork to proceed. I smiled and told my surgeon that I was not ruling out a miracle - and I know he thought I was nuts. I went into surgery, then - after what seemed like 5 minutes to me (7 1/2 hours to everyone else), I woke up looking into my husband's weary and worried eyes. I was being taken into ICU and his first words were, "You made it! You don't have cancer. Your pancreas is fine! You probably won't need insulin!"

I was confused at first, but realized that I did indeed make it through. God had more planned for me here. I am still not sure what these plans are, but I know they will be revealed when I am ready.

I began recovering from surgery - which included multiple procedures. ICU is not a fun place to be. I was moved to the transplant unit for care after 1.5 days. I had several scary moments, complications, transfusions, etc over the next couple weeks. I also battled depression for a few days but my faith and friends helped me stay strong. I will spare you the details on this. 

I was released from the hospital on the evening of January 30th. My 35 day stay was over, I was weak and afraid to be away from the 24 hour care.

This is when the true recovery began.

More to come....

Book: The Single Dad Detour - Author: Tez Brooks & Tez Brooks’ ‘The Single Dad Detour’ $150 Giveaway

THE SINGLE DAD DETOUR - DIRECTIONS FOR FATHERING AFTER DIVORCE by Tez Brooks (2015)

Let me start off by saying that I love a book that gives me a new perspective. This one did exactly that. I am familiar, first hand, with the struggles of a single mother. I had never put much thought into what a single dad goes through when a marriage or relationship falls apart.

Tez Brooks does a fantastic job of creating a guidebook of sorts for men, lessons learned from his own experience as a Christian single dad. The book is written with humor and car references, and his advice is backed by scripture and prayer. It is a easy read,yet full of valuable information on navigating cooking, visitation, holiday traditions, decorating, dating, remarriage and so much more. There is also advice on dealing with a non-Christian ex, and a chapter on blended families which I wish I read years ago.

Each chapter ends with questions to ponder, which Tez calls "Checking your Gauges," relevant scripture and a prayer.

I wish I could hand a copy of this book to every single dad out there. It is an excellent addition to a church library or small group study.

Disclaimer:  I received a copy of this book complementary to review.

Tez Brooks' Day with Dad Giveaway

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Link to purchase this book on Amazon.com

A New Chance / A New Life

I have finally reached a point where I feel comfortable writing about the last month and a half. I will share a little bit each post.

After a fun day working, I developed a sudden stomach ache. I thought it was food poisoning - yes I did stop at a drive through and scarf down a kraut dog on the road. I was sick overnight, then the pain got worse. The next day, December 23rd, I decided I needed medical help - which would come in the form of the VA emergency room two hours away. I was not able to sit up behind the wheel, so my 17 year old son drove me. Once seen at the VA, I was given blood tests and admitted overnight. IV antibiotics and fluids were shot into my arm and no other tests done. The next day I was released with a diagnosis of Colitis. The only problem was, I felt far worse when I was released than when I got there. I let the nurse know. I was released anyway with no medication and very little advice. Although I was happy to go home for Christmas, I spent the next two days miserable and in pain. I couldn't eat, sleep or stand up straight. I was in constant contact with the VA nurse hotline, to no avail.

The day after Christmas, my upper abdominal pain had reached a point where I could no longer stand it. I was terrified. My husband drove the two hours to the VA hospital again, where thankfully there was a shift change, and a different doctor was taking over. He sent me for a CT scan that showed a large mass on my portal vein. Upon seeing that, the doctor knew my care was out of the spectrum of the VA's ability to care for me.

I was taken by ambulance on another terrifying two hour trip to a hospital that was able to accept me and begin research on how to help. Banner Good Samaritan Hospital in Phoenix, AZ took charge of my care from that point forward. I had a team of doctors researching my condition as I underwent more testing.

Because of the strength of God, I was able to endure this life changing trial.I felt as if Jesus was there with me, comforting me and walking with me. I had no idea how much comfort I would need for the days ahead. 

My Faith

My faith brings me:

Blissful happiness in the midst of sorrow,
Healing grace in the midst of sickness,
Warm comfort in the midst of pain,
strength to overcome obstacles,
Calm reassurance in the midst of chaos and confusion.

And yet my faith is challenged.
It's validity questioned - by those near and far.

My question to those who doubt if what I believe is real and true:

 Does what you believe in do all these things?
Are you able to feel inner joy during times of sadness?
Peace during times of internal war?
Happiness during struggle?

If your answer is no, but you would like to feel this way, it is possible. Jesus Christ has time for you.

If you do not care to accept what I believe as an important part of who I am, please do not attempt to discourage me or attack my beliefs.

I've done much thinking over these past 12 days in the hospital - and have come to this conclusion:

I would rather believe and be comforted, and find out that I was wrong in the end, than live a miserable life of negativity, pain and unbelief to find out I was wrong in the end.

Life is all about choices and I am happy with the choice I've made to follow Jesus and Get Better God's Way!

Moved again and today I played in the snow

I moved to a place of snow and trees, pretty heavenly, if you ask me - considering I've spent the last 20 years in the dry desert!

I played and laughed today, that's something I have not done much of  as an adult. I highly recommend it!

Today it was snowing pretty hard, and I was not able to get out of the house. I was able to work from home a little, then decided to write this afternoon. Yes, I wrote!! I took a break from the screen to get the mail and ended up playing in the snow (even shoveling the driveway was fun) - when I returned to my writing, the words seemed to flow even more.

I mustered up enough bravery to send what I wrote today to a dear friend. That's a first! She liked it! That's encouraging.

I truly am "Getting Better God's Way!"

Onward and upward I keep my eyes on Him!
I'll keep praying and playing (and writing.)

Blessings,
Tammy

This cold hit me like a truck! Maybe it knocked me back on track?

I am back from a fantastic vacation. Ready to get back to my day job and break some records, start that serious exercise program I have on DVD, and outline my novel so I can finish writing a draft by the end of November.And those extra responsibilities I took on for my networking group, I am on top of it! Yes, that was me less than a week ago. 

What started out as sniffles and a little sore throat Saturday, has now turned into a pretty nasty cold. It is Wednesday, and I've finally given in to the fact that I am sick. I struggled through Monday, Tuesday and half of today before heading home. I can barely move. As I was making the decision on whether to take the rest of the day off, (highly recommended by the nurse at the VA,) I realized something. Although I have a full to-do list this week, nothing is more important than taking care of myself right now. Do I need to mention all the innocent bystanders I infected with my illness while I was trying to push through? 

I confess, I am a consistent worrier. My worries manifest because I work in commission only face to face sales. Now I have to set that worry aside, and get healthy. Yes, I have deadlines that I will miss. People will be let down. Yes, there are those in management that will probably be unhappy with my sales this week. I am trying hard to be OK with that. 

So here I am, home in bed with my laptop. I am not tired but determined to relax. I realize something very important. My blog, which started out about my spiritual journey to get closer to God, and to be a better person - has taken a detour. My bible reading and quiet time have diminished as well.

I'm pretty far from being thankful that I have this nasty sickness, but I am glad I have been forced to take time on this Wednesday afternoon to get in my comfy clothes, be quiet and think.

I also have time to read one of my favorite books, the Bible! Matthew 6:25-34 (look it up!) These verses are important to me. Today, these verses stand out more. 

I am on the road to recovery in many ways. I am resting and taking care of my physical body.  I am also getting better God's way by making time for my Heavenly Father, who comforts me in sickness and in health.

Will I be ready for work tomorrow? According to the nurse I spoke to earlier, the answer is no. I sure hope she is wrong. At this point, it is in God's hands. 

In the mean time, I am going to relax, take my medicine and work on that outline.

Blessings, 

Tammy

I'm back from vacation

And feeling rejuvenated, even refreshed after 7 exhausting days at theme parks in Orlando, walking every day - all day, I did not wear cosmetics or touch a hair dryer for 9 days. Sunscreen was my only extra while on this trip. I ate whenever and whatever I liked. Surprising enough, I chose healthy foods in most cases. I wore comfortable baggy clothing and a goofy hat.

My goal was to see all of the Disney Parks and both Universal Studios Parks, and more importantly, to take a vacation from worrying what people thought of me. Yes, negative thoughts and self doubt did creep in several times, especially when my husband took out the camera. I fought mightily with my self image - and won! How refreshing.

Physically, I am exhausted. Mentally - I am good to go. I recommend that every woman takes a break like this, even if it is a weekend stay-cation.  

As a side note, I intended to write while on this trip, and did not. I did do much plotting in my mind and have some new character inspiration from the strangers and new friends who surrounded me daily. A hug from this lady helped too!