A New Chance / A New Life

I have finally reached a point where I feel comfortable writing about the last month and a half. I will share a little bit each post.

After a fun day working, I developed a sudden stomach ache. I thought it was food poisoning - yes I did stop at a drive through and scarf down a kraut dog on the road. I was sick overnight, then the pain got worse. The next day, December 23rd, I decided I needed medical help - which would come in the form of the VA emergency room two hours away. I was not able to sit up behind the wheel, so my 17 year old son drove me. Once seen at the VA, I was given blood tests and admitted overnight. IV antibiotics and fluids were shot into my arm and no other tests done. The next day I was released with a diagnosis of Colitis. The only problem was, I felt far worse when I was released than when I got there. I let the nurse know. I was released anyway with no medication and very little advice. Although I was happy to go home for Christmas, I spent the next two days miserable and in pain. I couldn't eat, sleep or stand up straight. I was in constant contact with the VA nurse hotline, to no avail.

The day after Christmas, my upper abdominal pain had reached a point where I could no longer stand it. I was terrified. My husband drove the two hours to the VA hospital again, where thankfully there was a shift change, and a different doctor was taking over. He sent me for a CT scan that showed a large mass on my portal vein. Upon seeing that, the doctor knew my care was out of the spectrum of the VA's ability to care for me.

I was taken by ambulance on another terrifying two hour trip to a hospital that was able to accept me and begin research on how to help. Banner Good Samaritan Hospital in Phoenix, AZ took charge of my care from that point forward. I had a team of doctors researching my condition as I underwent more testing.

Because of the strength of God, I was able to endure this life changing trial.I felt as if Jesus was there with me, comforting me and walking with me. I had no idea how much comfort I would need for the days ahead. 

Negativity Be Gone From Me!

Lately it seems, I am frustrated at the most minute of things around me, including people, work, weather and loud noises.  I am even frustrated about my writing - or lack thereof. Today I reached a point where I needed to stop and reflect on my attitude - before my attitude permeates those around me. Even worse, what do I do if it already has? What if my poor attitude has hurt those I love?
Questions I felt I needed to ask myself:
Why do I feel overwhelmed and tired.
Why am I discouraged?
What is at the root of this negativity?
Where is God at times like this?

I spent a few hours in solitude, indulging in a pity party, including two donuts and several cups of coffee, and this is what I came up with:
I feel as if my life has somehow spun out of my control. I feel alone, even with my family around me most of the time. My energy is drained. I have gained a little weight and humorous, unintentional comments have been made about it.
These things are all coming from the enemy! The deceptive one has made his voice louder than that of my Jesus, who I love. How do I drown out the negativity so the true Light can shine through? I began to realize that a part of me is comfortable with the feelings I have been having. Feeling frustrated keeps me from having to face certain things in my life that I know I need to take care of.

At the end of my pity party - I began to pray. I gave my troubles over to God. I began to feel better right away. Yes, I admit, I tried to hold on to a few of my negative thoughts (they were like a pair of comfy fuzzy socks) but I knew I needed to hand it ALL over to truly feel blessing over my emotional well being.

I feel better now, praise God! The cloud of depression has lifted, and with it my eyes are lifted to Him. And I AM WRITING! I feel focused and prepared for the days and weeks ahead.

I am reminded of a simple verse in the New Testament where Jesus said:

Luke 11:9 NIV - "So I say to you: Ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."  

All I had to do was ask!  Simple as that sounds, I took the long uphill path to get there. Does anyone else ever feel overwhelmed with negativity and frustration? I pray that we all find the peace we need to continue to be the women we are called to be. Join with me in asking for His gracious help.
Feel free to email or post a comment as to how you work through these feelings.