This cold hit me like a truck! Maybe it knocked me back on track?

I am back from a fantastic vacation. Ready to get back to my day job and break some records, start that serious exercise program I have on DVD, and outline my novel so I can finish writing a draft by the end of November.And those extra responsibilities I took on for my networking group, I am on top of it! Yes, that was me less than a week ago. 

What started out as sniffles and a little sore throat Saturday, has now turned into a pretty nasty cold. It is Wednesday, and I've finally given in to the fact that I am sick. I struggled through Monday, Tuesday and half of today before heading home. I can barely move. As I was making the decision on whether to take the rest of the day off, (highly recommended by the nurse at the VA,) I realized something. Although I have a full to-do list this week, nothing is more important than taking care of myself right now. Do I need to mention all the innocent bystanders I infected with my illness while I was trying to push through? 

I confess, I am a consistent worrier. My worries manifest because I work in commission only face to face sales. Now I have to set that worry aside, and get healthy. Yes, I have deadlines that I will miss. People will be let down. Yes, there are those in management that will probably be unhappy with my sales this week. I am trying hard to be OK with that. 

So here I am, home in bed with my laptop. I am not tired but determined to relax. I realize something very important. My blog, which started out about my spiritual journey to get closer to God, and to be a better person - has taken a detour. My bible reading and quiet time have diminished as well.

I'm pretty far from being thankful that I have this nasty sickness, but I am glad I have been forced to take time on this Wednesday afternoon to get in my comfy clothes, be quiet and think.

I also have time to read one of my favorite books, the Bible! Matthew 6:25-34 (look it up!) These verses are important to me. Today, these verses stand out more. 

I am on the road to recovery in many ways. I am resting and taking care of my physical body.  I am also getting better God's way by making time for my Heavenly Father, who comforts me in sickness and in health.

Will I be ready for work tomorrow? According to the nurse I spoke to earlier, the answer is no. I sure hope she is wrong. At this point, it is in God's hands. 

In the mean time, I am going to relax, take my medicine and work on that outline.

Blessings, 

Tammy

Everyday miracles

Timing is everything - especially when it is in God's time. I can look at many instances in my past and see His hand. So many times I have worried over things that seemed insurmountable in the moment, and then WHAM, out of the blue a solution appears. This is not a coincidence. This is God at work. Let's start giving Him credit where it is due!  Amen.

Yesterday was a perfect example. I was having a rough day, I was under attack. My day was wrought with negative emotions to include sadness, discouragement, defeat and lethargy. My faith was being tested. I lost an immediate family member the day before to cancer, and last month I lost my father. The enemy was using that fracture in my armor to wreak havoc on me.

I had some down time at my day job and as I do on many occasions, I picked up my iPad to read. The book I was led to read was the Bible. I was desperately seeking encouragement. I prayed quietly. I began reading in Matthew about worry. Within minutes, a wonderful woman walked in. She was practically glowing with her love for the Lord. I knew immediately she was a believer! God did this for me. We shared for a few minutes, exchanged contact information and I was truly blessed. I made a new friend and I was uplifted for the rest of the day. 

This was not a coincidence. This was God working right when I needed Him most. He knows what we are going through and exactly what we need every moment of every day. Now, I am not sure if my new friend knew she was being used by Him to change my outlook, but I sure know she was. Things don't just line up that way.

I've been called "lucky" because I have experienced success at my day job. But, I put it out there that I am not "lucky" nor do I have the "magic bullet," rather, I have Jesus as my Savior.  No magic, no luck, no smoke and mirrors. Just plain ordinary faith. Faith that does get tested at times, but everytime I come out stronger. Praise God!

Have you experienced times like this? I am calling these moments everyday miracles and I'd love to hear about them.

God Bless Everyone!

My family recently experienced a passing. No matter how prepared I thought I was for my Dad’s death, it still devastated me. I wanted to write about it immediately, but found myself at a loss for words. I was able to write a letter to him for the funeral. Eventually I plan to pen a memoir for him titled “Dad, I Remember You.”  That project will go on the back burner (with so many others) until I am ready to tackle it. 

My father was ill with dementia for 10+ years, and had been in a full time nursing facility for over 7 of those years. God finally took him home July 23^rd.  I thought about the possibility of his passing after every weekly visit with him. I often wondered why God would keep his body going so strong after his mind failed. I was angry at times over this, knowing that my dad was such a proud man, and would never want his life to turn out that way.  

Looking back, the timing of his passing was a painful, yet important closure for me. I know now that the extra time with him was a precious gift. I was not ready to let him go. I still yearn for one more visit with him. Knowing that he is in a better place and his mind is restored comforts me.

God does keep his promises. When a door closes, another opens. With his passing, I was able to take a transfer and move on and up in my career. This move will also open up time and my mind for creative work, to include writing, woodwork and sewing. God is good.  All the time! All the time, (you can finish the sentence!)

What I’ve learned:  I tend to stress and fuss over details. I want to know what, where, when and why. I also feel the need to know how and have an exact timeline for things. I am slowly and not too happily learning that things don’t happen on my time schedule, and not always the way I would plan them. That part frustrates me to no end!  I do know that when I let the stress of it all go and let God work out the details, everything happens as it should.  I may never understand how this happens, but it does. Am I alone in this?  Please pray for me as I work through the emotions and begin to work daily to let go and let God plant the seeds of my future.

On a lighter note, in between purging my household belongings and packing, I am working on the story I outlined last month.  The personal turmoil I’ve experienced in the past month adds an emotionally creative, real twist to this story. I am very excited about this and other projects I have in the works. With my upcoming move, I will have more time, space and emotional availability to write.

I am taking a step out in faith, focusing on the blessings and not the burdens.  For Jesus did say that worrying would not add any time to our lives. I have a long way to go with this. One thing I know for sure is that one step at a time, I am Getting Better God’s Way!

Feelings and Emotions

You can feel them, but not touch them. They can be strong enough to cause intense pain, yet not leave a visible mark on you.

This is something that Jesus has been working on in me. Sometimes it is hard for me to express feelings in a way that I feel others will understand. Often, I am afraid to express my feelings because it may hurt someone else’s feelings. When someone else’s hurt or negative feelings show, I feel guilty or responsible. I feel as if I caused that person to feel or act in a hurtful way. Yet, I don’t want to show those feelings either. This is an emotional rollercoaster!  It seems so complicated, yet should be simple.   

A recent experience caused me to think a lot about feelings and emotions.  I had a scheduled doctor’s appointment that was 200 miles away from home. When I arrived, I was notified by the clerk that my appointment had been cancelled by the practitioner, who was on vacation for the week.  He insisted, as a matter of fact, that I had been notified of the cancellation.   

I mentioned above that sometimes I have a hard time expressing my feelings. Well, not this time! I had a big girl meltdown, complete with tears, snot, sweat, ragged breathing and stuttering. Right there, in the front office of the medical clinic! In front of a clerk who, at this point looked mortified. My heart was racing and I felt out of control of my emotions for a little while. Pain and hurt surfaced. Then embarrassment set in. I left and did not reschedule the appointment.

I couldn’t figure out what was more disappointing, the day off of work (I work commission only, so this also meant a day with no pay), or that the issue I made the appointment for would not be resolved. Or, was it the smug way the news was delivered? Nope!  Sorry to say, it was none of the above.

Lucky for me, (sarcasm…) I had a three hour drive home to contemplate what happened. All the feelings and emotions that I kept bottled up for months, perhaps years, surfaced, triggered by a single discouraging moment. I was reminded of past mistakes and wrongs going back years. Every personal negative comment I heard and those pesky negative thoughts I have about myself all surfaced at once. I look back now and see how the enemy was at work. This was not the first time for this. I pray it will be the last.

I know God does not want me to keep all that emotional pain and negativity bottled up. And he certainly does not want me to feel the way I felt that day. That is why He has a personal relationship with me, and I with Him. I need to go to Him with my troubles and, and cast my cares on Him. Once I was able to get on the road headed home, I was tearfully reminded of a verse in my bible:

Matthew 6:27 (NIV) -Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

I pulled over and prayed for quite a while. I had another cry, a cleansing moment where I felt broken and knew I needed Jesus’ help. I asked Him to help me, and I thanked him for comforting me in my moment of need. I need to do so much better with asking for heavenly guidance with emotional turmoil.  The only way to fully deal with pain and emotional suffering is to bring issues to the feet of Jesus Christ.  We can relieve ourselves of so much worry and internal pain this way. Jesus clearly lets us know we are not gaining anything by stressing and worrying.

This experience opened my eyes. I am far from being perfect, and will always need to acknowledge my emotions. I will do my best to not let things get so out of control. I know that it is not healthy for me to hold negative emotions and stress inside.  I will swell up and burst at the most inopportune moment as so clearly demonstrated above. Instead, I will allow myself to feel the emotions as they occur, and seek guidance through prayer.

I am embarrassed to post this, yet I feel compelled to do exactly that. I am afraid of what people will think of me. It is so easy to get caught up in these negative emotions – so I am posting, and praying. I invite and welcome comments or email.