Healing Continues (My recovery - and lack of patience!)

I know I stopped writing about my illness and healing. I did this out of frustration. But it is now time to finish the hospital portion of the story and how the grace of God was with me during this trial.

After multiple tests over a two week period, it was discovered that I had a large mass and aneurysm on my portal vein, which was covered by thrombus (blood clot.)  Tests also showed that I have a genetic blood disorder called Factor V Leiden, which causes blood clotting. I was placed on blood thinning medication amongst other things. I had a hard time sitting around my room, so I was allowed to roam the hospital with my handy IV pole - which I decorated.  

Two attempts were made to biopsy the mass, but both rendered nothing. My portal vein was blocked. A large team of doctors were caring for me, and it was decided that I would undergo a Whipple surgery on January 13th. It would begin as exploratory, and advance as necessary. 

I was told by my surgeon that the mass was most likely a sarcoma. The C word scared me, but I kept my faith, even when he told me that it was 99% sure this was the case. There was no other reason for the mass and blood clot. If it was cancer, then I would begin Chemotherapy and go from there. The surgery would most likely damage my pancreas, and I would need to inject insulin for the rest of my life. I began researching the surgery on the internet, and knew that the long term prognosis (5 years) was not good.  

This is where my Savior Jesus comes in. I felt stronger in my faith than ever before. I began reading online devotionals, the chaplain brought me a copy of the New Testament since I did not have my bible with me. I had many loving people praying for me. Most of my nurses were christian as well, and they would visit with me, even coming in on their off days or before/after shifts to see me. Work friends stopped by. I felt strong and ready to face anything.

January 13th finally came. I woke up that morning feeling strong and unafraid. I knew that whatever happened that day, in that operating room, I would not be alone. Either I would survive or I would go into the arms of my Savior. My only sadness was that I would miss everyone here.

I spoke to the doctors prior to surgery and signed all of the necessary paperwork to proceed. I smiled and told my surgeon that I was not ruling out a miracle - and I know he thought I was nuts. I went into surgery, then - after what seemed like 5 minutes to me (7 1/2 hours to everyone else), I woke up looking into my husband's weary and worried eyes. I was being taken into ICU and his first words were, "You made it! You don't have cancer. Your pancreas is fine! You probably won't need insulin!"

I was confused at first, but realized that I did indeed make it through. God had more planned for me here. I am still not sure what these plans are, but I know they will be revealed when I am ready.

I began recovering from surgery - which included multiple procedures. ICU is not a fun place to be. I was moved to the transplant unit for care after 1.5 days. I had several scary moments, complications, transfusions, etc over the next couple weeks. I also battled depression for a few days but my faith and friends helped me stay strong. I will spare you the details on this. 

I was released from the hospital on the evening of January 30th. My 35 day stay was over, I was weak and afraid to be away from the 24 hour care.

This is when the true recovery began.

More to come....

My Faith

My faith brings me:

Blissful happiness in the midst of sorrow,
Healing grace in the midst of sickness,
Warm comfort in the midst of pain,
strength to overcome obstacles,
Calm reassurance in the midst of chaos and confusion.

And yet my faith is challenged.
It's validity questioned - by those near and far.

My question to those who doubt if what I believe is real and true:

 Does what you believe in do all these things?
Are you able to feel inner joy during times of sadness?
Peace during times of internal war?
Happiness during struggle?

If your answer is no, but you would like to feel this way, it is possible. Jesus Christ has time for you.

If you do not care to accept what I believe as an important part of who I am, please do not attempt to discourage me or attack my beliefs.

I've done much thinking over these past 12 days in the hospital - and have come to this conclusion:

I would rather believe and be comforted, and find out that I was wrong in the end, than live a miserable life of negativity, pain and unbelief to find out I was wrong in the end.

Life is all about choices and I am happy with the choice I've made to follow Jesus and Get Better God's Way!

Bravery

I am very brave if I know I have backup nearby.  My day job is sales, so I face rejection and negativity from time to time.  I know I have an excellent leadership and management team to back me up so I am able to continue with my work.  If I begin to feel overwhelmed with work issues, I always have someone nearby I can talk to.

Why is is to hard for me to share my faith with others?  Many times I forget that I have a spiritual backup and I fail to pursue what I know I should do.  Jesus is right here by my side all the time.  HE is my backup and I am His.

Today the sermon at church was on Acts 8:26 - 40.  In this passage, Philip listened and obeyed God's promptings.  What really struck me about this message was that Philip was listening and heard the Angel. I want, more than anything, to be still and hear the promptings. To know what work God has planned for me. When the Angel speaks, will I be brave enough to act on it as Philip did?  I pray I am. 

Please pray for me, and I welcome your comments. 

Everyday miracles

Timing is everything - especially when it is in God's time. I can look at many instances in my past and see His hand. So many times I have worried over things that seemed insurmountable in the moment, and then WHAM, out of the blue a solution appears. This is not a coincidence. This is God at work. Let's start giving Him credit where it is due!  Amen.

Yesterday was a perfect example. I was having a rough day, I was under attack. My day was wrought with negative emotions to include sadness, discouragement, defeat and lethargy. My faith was being tested. I lost an immediate family member the day before to cancer, and last month I lost my father. The enemy was using that fracture in my armor to wreak havoc on me.

I had some down time at my day job and as I do on many occasions, I picked up my iPad to read. The book I was led to read was the Bible. I was desperately seeking encouragement. I prayed quietly. I began reading in Matthew about worry. Within minutes, a wonderful woman walked in. She was practically glowing with her love for the Lord. I knew immediately she was a believer! God did this for me. We shared for a few minutes, exchanged contact information and I was truly blessed. I made a new friend and I was uplifted for the rest of the day. 

This was not a coincidence. This was God working right when I needed Him most. He knows what we are going through and exactly what we need every moment of every day. Now, I am not sure if my new friend knew she was being used by Him to change my outlook, but I sure know she was. Things don't just line up that way.

I've been called "lucky" because I have experienced success at my day job. But, I put it out there that I am not "lucky" nor do I have the "magic bullet," rather, I have Jesus as my Savior.  No magic, no luck, no smoke and mirrors. Just plain ordinary faith. Faith that does get tested at times, but everytime I come out stronger. Praise God!

Have you experienced times like this? I am calling these moments everyday miracles and I'd love to hear about them.

God Bless Everyone!