Bravery

I am very brave if I know I have backup nearby.  My day job is sales, so I face rejection and negativity from time to time.  I know I have an excellent leadership and management team to back me up so I am able to continue with my work.  If I begin to feel overwhelmed with work issues, I always have someone nearby I can talk to.

Why is is to hard for me to share my faith with others?  Many times I forget that I have a spiritual backup and I fail to pursue what I know I should do.  Jesus is right here by my side all the time.  HE is my backup and I am His.

Today the sermon at church was on Acts 8:26 - 40.  In this passage, Philip listened and obeyed God's promptings.  What really struck me about this message was that Philip was listening and heard the Angel. I want, more than anything, to be still and hear the promptings. To know what work God has planned for me. When the Angel speaks, will I be brave enough to act on it as Philip did?  I pray I am. 

Please pray for me, and I welcome your comments. 

Negativity Be Gone From Me!

Lately it seems, I am frustrated at the most minute of things around me, including people, work, weather and loud noises.  I am even frustrated about my writing - or lack thereof. Today I reached a point where I needed to stop and reflect on my attitude - before my attitude permeates those around me. Even worse, what do I do if it already has? What if my poor attitude has hurt those I love?
Questions I felt I needed to ask myself:
Why do I feel overwhelmed and tired.
Why am I discouraged?
What is at the root of this negativity?
Where is God at times like this?

I spent a few hours in solitude, indulging in a pity party, including two donuts and several cups of coffee, and this is what I came up with:
I feel as if my life has somehow spun out of my control. I feel alone, even with my family around me most of the time. My energy is drained. I have gained a little weight and humorous, unintentional comments have been made about it.
These things are all coming from the enemy! The deceptive one has made his voice louder than that of my Jesus, who I love. How do I drown out the negativity so the true Light can shine through? I began to realize that a part of me is comfortable with the feelings I have been having. Feeling frustrated keeps me from having to face certain things in my life that I know I need to take care of.

At the end of my pity party - I began to pray. I gave my troubles over to God. I began to feel better right away. Yes, I admit, I tried to hold on to a few of my negative thoughts (they were like a pair of comfy fuzzy socks) but I knew I needed to hand it ALL over to truly feel blessing over my emotional well being.

I feel better now, praise God! The cloud of depression has lifted, and with it my eyes are lifted to Him. And I AM WRITING! I feel focused and prepared for the days and weeks ahead.

I am reminded of a simple verse in the New Testament where Jesus said:

Luke 11:9 NIV - "So I say to you: Ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."  

All I had to do was ask!  Simple as that sounds, I took the long uphill path to get there. Does anyone else ever feel overwhelmed with negativity and frustration? I pray that we all find the peace we need to continue to be the women we are called to be. Join with me in asking for His gracious help.
Feel free to email or post a comment as to how you work through these feelings.

CHANGE IS GOOD?

When I think of the word "change," many cliche's come to mind

Change is good, hope and Change, keep the Change, Change your tune, a leopard cannot Change his spots, and Change of life - to name a few.

I have experienced many changes in my life. I can use the first cliche above to describe how I feel about the last one listed.  Change IS good, even if it doesn't seem that way initially.

We all experience change, both emotional and physical.

I have put on a few pounds. I will be conscientious and take good care of myself with diet and exercise, but I will not berate myself about my weight. This skin of mine is not as smooth as it once was. I will continue to stay out of the sun and use moisturizer, I will not stare at myself in the mirror and think negatively about my appearance. I often break out in a sweat from the neck up, sometimes profusely, for no obvious reason.  This is an inconvenience, but I will look at this change as a part of becoming more mature and grounded as I move into the future that has been prepared for me

The bottom line is, I am finally OK with change.  I have reached a point in my life where I am becoming comfortable being me.  I accept that God has plans for me that only He knows. These plans will continue to change and mold me as I seek out His purpose for my life. 

As I continue on this personal journey of change, one thing keeps me grounded. I can count on the fact that:

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."  Hebrews 13:8 (NIV)

Let's clink our teacups in a toast to Change. I pray that we will all accept change as it comes, and allow it to mold us and make us stronger - preparing us for our true purpose in life, whatever that may be. 

Am I alone in feeling this way? Comments are welcome!

Obedience

Something was revealed to me today as I was praying. I am not too proud of it, but confessing it here seems appropriate. I block my daily urge to write and journal by staying busy. I keep busy with work, family and otherwise looking for things to busy myself with. That sounds silly, I know – but I keep myself so frantic that it helps me avoid the one thing that I know my Heavenly Father wants me to do.

Writing helps me discover the real me, the girl/woman I am on the inside. For the most part, although I want healing, I do not want to fully discover the innermost part of me that hurts and is fragile.  This is why it has been buried for years. I am afraid of the anger and tears that sometimes comes to the surface, so I stamp it back down and hide it under a never ending list of chores.

God wants me to write about my feelings. I know this like I know my own name. But do I do it? No, not until it becomes such a burning desire that I cannot escape it.  When I cannot avoid it any longer, I sit down at my laptop and words come spilling out all over the page. This is followed by my getting frustrated over making sense of it.  Until I do, I can’t think of anything else - unless I find something else to keep myself busy. I know this is the wrong way to go about it.   

This stalling happened today - I started writing about relationships. Suddenly, right when I was getting to the heart of something sensitive, I found it more important to busy myself with repairing a sprinkler system. Afterward, I felt convicted. I was disobedient, and that led to prayer mentioned above. While praying, I asked for forgiveness and questioned my ability to write. I had a fictional story planned for NaNoWriMo, I have been unable to focus on writing it. I am 3000 words in and at a dead end. I prayed for comfort as I work through these insecurities.  

I am glad I responded and prayed. I need to be obedient and write what He is urging me to write, and go to my Lord with the hurt that I uncover. In the process, I may discover the innermost me is not so bad after all. 

 

Moved and Settled!

I take that last part back, I am not completely settled, but I have moved.I now have a home office in which to write! My books are on the shelves, and my craft goodies are in the closet.  Just a few more finishing touches and I will be ready to write....right?  NO! No more procrastination. It seems like there is always something else to do. One more thing to tidy up, paint, unpack. One reason after another that I do not pick up where I left off so many times.
The one thing I desparately want to do is write - yet my heart protects me from failure (or is it success) by keeping me "busy" with other things.

As I sit here on my back porch (silly thing is, I am not using that home office I felt I needed) and I am writing.

 Please pray for me. I will write, I must write. I am writing.

Everyday frustrations aren't so bad, or are they?

Recently, I was feeling kind of blah, having a downright bad day for no particular reason. To top it off,  I had to drive five hours in terrible weather. And, if that wasn't bad enough, a fly got into my car and wouldn't leave. He buzzed around my head, an annoying travel companion. Sigh, I was in a bad mood. I have to admit that it was good that I was alone. I would not have been pleasant company.

I was driving along, scanning the radio stations looking for something lively to boost my spirits.  Perhaps a little rock and roll, some oldies, or even some of that modern stuff my teenager likes to listen too would do the trick. I couldn't get anything except Christian radio stations to tune in. I was frustrated and kept hitting the scan button. I finally settled on a station with an upbeat Christian song playing and started to feel a little better. The song was "My Redeemer Lives." I even started belting out the words. Then, wham, negativity struck again. After that song, the program changed to a pastor giving a message on the life of Job. Do you see where I am going with this? I was upset but did not touch the dial.  I continued listening to the story I have heard many times before. But at that moment, it was like new again.

If you are going through a rough patch, I highly recommend reading the book of Job in your bible. It just may put some things into perspective. It did for me. The rest of my drive was spent in silent reflection of all the good things God has given me. I was focusing on all that had been taken away, not realizing that it was all gifted to me by Him in the first place.

Thank you God for getting my attention back where it needed to be.

Writing update

I am so happy to post that I have been working regularly to put together a rough draft for a novel I outlined last month! It is a story about estranged sisters who have a common bond, a baby. Please keep me in your prayers. I have started so many writing projects, and I have limited time in the day to write. Writing is my passion, and I know that if it is God's will, time will be found to complete this project. I grab at minutes in the day, I have the story on a thumb drive that I keep with me so I can work on it when moments free up. This will be a first for me, as was blogging.

Please pray for me as I continue to reach for my dream of becoming a published author.

Thank you,

Tammyarlene