Bad Habit Part 1: Magnifying the negative

I don't know if I am alone in doing this, but I tend to magnify things that are negative, and overlook the positive in situations.

A recent real life example: My husband took a picture of me up close when a butterfly landed in my hair. I was thrilled that he caught this moment for me. I love butterflies! When I looked at the picture, I saw the wrinkles around my eyes. I even went so far as to enlarge the picture and gawk at how my crows feet had turned into deep cracks in my skin. I closed the image, then re-opened it to ruminate some more. I did this a few times, and spent way too much time lamenting on how horrible I looked. I then decided to delete the horrible picture of my ugly aging self. Thinking back, I never once looked at the butterfly. I didn't look closely at the beauty that was the purpose of the picture. I was so focused on not just myself, but my negative self image, that I missed the beauty of the moment. Now the picture is gone. In those few moments, holding my husband's cell phone, I even drudged up a memory of the cosmetic counter lady telling me how huge my pores were. Another memory surfaced when a dermatologist tried sell me botox and fillers. "You have the number 11 embedded between your brows," she hawked. When I magnified the picture further, looking for the negative, I found she was right! Shocking! EEEK! Run-don't walk-quickly, get needles full of drugs stuck in this face immediately, I thought. All of this negativity over a picture of a butterfly. What did that butterfly look like? I don't know.

My husband was confused, and didn't understand why I was so troubled over the photo. He was proud to present the picture to me. He sees me as beautiful, and does not focus on the wrinkles. God is the same way. He sees what is inside of us, not the outside. And, to top it off, when I focus on the negative - the inside of me isn't looking too good either.

How many positive opportunities have I missed, because of focusing on the negative? Countless, I am sure.

I am reminded in Proverbs 31:30 (NKJV)
Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.

What I am not saying here, is that it is wrong to want to look nice on the outside. What I have come to realize is, that I need to accept the things I can't change about my appearance (unless I am willing to get injections, that is.) I do want to look nice for my husband, for work, and for me. More importantly, I need to focus on my inward self more than I do my outward appearance. I am a woman that has aged 43 years.
New thought:  God, my husband, family and friends see me as a beautiful creation of God! That is the truth, and God loves me.

 My prayer today is that, now aware of this bad habit, I work on getting better God's way. Please message me privately or comment publicly if you would like to add something-or have been in a similar situation and can relate to working on turning this negative habit around.

My past does not determine my future. Easier said than believed!

In the very recent past, I had a rough day. That is an understatement, for sure. I even had a public meltdown. Yes, I sure did.
I have spent my life trying to please others. While I am being completely honest, I admit I haven't done a very good job of that either.  I am constantly making excuses for myself. It is exhausting. I am tired of being tired. And right here, I catch myself trying to make excuses again.

On that particular day, in the not so distant past, I had the lovely chore of looking over my work history to create an updated resume. Seeing all of the job hopping, career changes, and mistakes of my life caused a downward emotional spiral that I was unable to control. To top it off, while looking into my past for dates, I was faced with my multiple last name changes. Yes, I have been divorced four times.

Before I knew it, I was in the middle of an important meeting having the aforementioned meltdown. Right smack in front of important people. People who I like and respect, both personally and professionally. People who have a say in my career future.

I was, and still am, embarrassed beyond words. I have had enough of this. I am ready to truly make changes.
 
But, how do I change? How do I accept my past as just that, the past - and move forward to create the bright future I know I can have?

I know, from past experience, how not to change. Despite knowing this, I gave my old ways one more shot today. Wallowing in self pity does not result in change. Crying does not help either. Nor does eating a plate full of sweets. All of these things result in burning red eyes, a blotchy face and an upset stomach. Every time. Oh, and a heavy heart as icing on the cake. I decided to top it all off with a handful of Godiva Chocolate Truffles.

Then, I decided to pray. I was not sure what to pray about, but I knew I needed to get down on my knees.

Shortly after praying, I looked online, and my YouVersion "verse of the day" was this:

Isaiah 40:30 (NIV)
But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

No coincidence here. A renewal is exactly what I need. I need God's help in my life. I am striving toward getting better God's way. I may be taking longer than necessary - but today is a big turning point in my life.

I am marking this day down as a red letter day for me. This is the day I decided to hand control completely over to God. Trust in Him and see where He leads me. I am not saying that this will be easy - but  it is surely a step in the right direction.

CHANGE IS GOOD?

When I think of the word "change," many cliche's come to mind

Change is good, hope and Change, keep the Change, Change your tune, a leopard cannot Change his spots, and Change of life - to name a few.

I have experienced many changes in my life. I can use the first cliche above to describe how I feel about the last one listed.  Change IS good, even if it doesn't seem that way initially.

We all experience change, both emotional and physical.

I have put on a few pounds. I will be conscientious and take good care of myself with diet and exercise, but I will not berate myself about my weight. This skin of mine is not as smooth as it once was. I will continue to stay out of the sun and use moisturizer, I will not stare at myself in the mirror and think negatively about my appearance. I often break out in a sweat from the neck up, sometimes profusely, for no obvious reason.  This is an inconvenience, but I will look at this change as a part of becoming more mature and grounded as I move into the future that has been prepared for me

The bottom line is, I am finally OK with change.  I have reached a point in my life where I am becoming comfortable being me.  I accept that God has plans for me that only He knows. These plans will continue to change and mold me as I seek out His purpose for my life. 

As I continue on this personal journey of change, one thing keeps me grounded. I can count on the fact that:

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."  Hebrews 13:8 (NIV)

Let's clink our teacups in a toast to Change. I pray that we will all accept change as it comes, and allow it to mold us and make us stronger - preparing us for our true purpose in life, whatever that may be. 

Am I alone in feeling this way? Comments are welcome!