My past does not determine my future. Easier said than believed!

In the very recent past, I had a rough day. That is an understatement, for sure. I even had a public meltdown. Yes, I sure did.
I have spent my life trying to please others. While I am being completely honest, I admit I haven't done a very good job of that either.  I am constantly making excuses for myself. It is exhausting. I am tired of being tired. And right here, I catch myself trying to make excuses again.

On that particular day, in the not so distant past, I had the lovely chore of looking over my work history to create an updated resume. Seeing all of the job hopping, career changes, and mistakes of my life caused a downward emotional spiral that I was unable to control. To top it off, while looking into my past for dates, I was faced with my multiple last name changes. Yes, I have been divorced four times.

Before I knew it, I was in the middle of an important meeting having the aforementioned meltdown. Right smack in front of important people. People who I like and respect, both personally and professionally. People who have a say in my career future.

I was, and still am, embarrassed beyond words. I have had enough of this. I am ready to truly make changes.
 
But, how do I change? How do I accept my past as just that, the past - and move forward to create the bright future I know I can have?

I know, from past experience, how not to change. Despite knowing this, I gave my old ways one more shot today. Wallowing in self pity does not result in change. Crying does not help either. Nor does eating a plate full of sweets. All of these things result in burning red eyes, a blotchy face and an upset stomach. Every time. Oh, and a heavy heart as icing on the cake. I decided to top it all off with a handful of Godiva Chocolate Truffles.

Then, I decided to pray. I was not sure what to pray about, but I knew I needed to get down on my knees.

Shortly after praying, I looked online, and my YouVersion "verse of the day" was this:

Isaiah 40:30 (NIV)
But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

No coincidence here. A renewal is exactly what I need. I need God's help in my life. I am striving toward getting better God's way. I may be taking longer than necessary - but today is a big turning point in my life.

I am marking this day down as a red letter day for me. This is the day I decided to hand control completely over to God. Trust in Him and see where He leads me. I am not saying that this will be easy - but  it is surely a step in the right direction.