Fire and Destruction - Weed, California

My hometown suffered a fire yesterday. Over 100 buildings, many of them homes, burned to the ground. When I graduated high school in 1989 I wanted to get as far away from that small town as I could. I joined the Marine Corps and did exactly that. Since my discharge from active duty, I have moved several times, never looking back. I returned to Weed a couple of times to visit my parents in the 90’s, then, in 2001, I moved them to Las Vegas to live with me. Since then, I have briskly passed through town twice while on road trips, never staying, and certainly never nostalgic.  I didn’t return for my class reunions, even though I went to same school with classmates for 12 years, (13 years - if we count kindergarten.)

Why, now that tragedy has struck, do I want to go back? I want to walk the streets and I want it to be just as I remember.  My old neighborhood, Carrick Addition, seems to have remained untouched. In looking at photos posted online, my heart breaks for so many who have lost so much. I feel drawn to "home," even though, until now, I never thought of it that way. I keep looking at photos and videos of the damage, and feel so helpless.

I no longer have family there, but I do remain loosely connected with a few friends via Facebook. Many of them have lost everything. Please join me in prayer. This is truly a tragedy.

 

I am out of words to say.

 

 

Just One Thing

What if, when life seems overwhelming, we just did one thing nice for someone else? Perhaps even a stranger...

The one thing I am talking about could be something as simple as picking up the piece of trash that someone left in the parking lot. Washing out a co-workers coffee mug, and putting it away for them. Moving a shopping cart from the parking area to the cart corral - or better yet, back to the front of the store. Even one up on that, helping someone who needs assistance to put the groceries into their car, then return the cart for them.

What about sending a "Thank You" card or note to someone who brightened your day? The written word, especially hand-written, goes a long way in touching someone's heart. With all the modern technology - Facebook, LinkedIn, Send out Cards, Email, etc., (all of which I love and use!), a hand written note goes a long way in expressing your gratitude in a very personal way that computer generated print can not. If you don't believe me, send one out. Test my theory and leave a comment. I'd love to hear from you.

These are all really small things that take little time away from a hectic schedule. I find when I do something completely unselfish, I am energized and feel good for hours afterward.

That's what is on my mind today. I must go - just thought of someone I could write a quick note to!

Managing My Time / Or Rather Managing ME Time ?

It seems that my personal life is all about starting over. Is this just happening to me? Can anyone else relate?

I am consistent with my personal inconsistency!  I start a new exercise program, daily bible reading, commit to weekly BLOGGING, and then life happens and it all fades away. I get caught in the whirlwind of life, and before I know it, I am starting over again.

In my career, I set goals and keep or exceed them. Not so on a personal level. Why?

A good friend and I were talking yesterday, and she said something that hit home. "You have to fill yourself up first - take the first 30 minutes of each day, and do something positive just for you." She heard this on a conference call the day before, and we both agreed that it was a good idea in theory. Flight attendants remind us to put our oxygen mask on first, before helping others. Our conversation was over, and I moved on to the next thing I had to do for my day. After all, it is the end of the quarter, and my sales numbers are not as good as they should be this week. 

Never mind that I, in the two weeks prior, exceeded my personal sales goals. But I digress...

  

Taking time for oneself has always sounded like a good idea for everyone else, but for me, it seems selfish. I am constantly concerned with the care of my mom, son and husband as well as success in a full time sales career. Reading and writing are things I desire and do just for me -which is exactly why they get brushed off my schedule as soon as something more important comes up. I have to be clear and mention that I, and no one else, make the choice to eliminate these items from my schedule.  Over time, I feel empty and drained. I once again get motivated to take time for me, and the feelings of being selfish return. I get back on the merry go round of caring for everyone else.

Normally I would have brushed past the conversation with my dear friend, and kept on with my hectic life. Not this time. I feel like I am stopped in my tracks. I am physically and emotionally exhausted. I know this is a wake-up call like never before.  

My "ME" tank is running low. It may even be empty. I am not feeling as energetic as I used to. I struggle with the thought of adding another chore to my list, even if it is for me. Setting aside 30 minutes seems like a lot. A selfish lot. I ask to no one and everyone, "Is it even Godly to take time for myself?"

Enough of my rant. I am a results driven person when it comes to career and family. It is time for me to take charge of my personal results. And, yes, I am once again starting over. Starting over for me.

Please pray for me as I begin to take time for me at the beginning and end of each day. This time will include bible reading, writing, exercise and, yes - blogging. 

I will be blogging about my writing progress at:

tammyarlene.blogspot.com

This will, one day, become my author blog.

Bad Habit Part II: Judging Others

Eek! My internal radar went off, and I am sure my external expression showed it. There was a woman at WalMart, smiling and proudly wearing what appeared to be a 5” headband as a skirt and a short tank top that was obviously made to fit a toddler. I was at the store shopping with my 78 year old mother, and we were both mortified and couldn’t move far or fast enough across the store in our search for escape.  Yep, I even paused in the fresh fruit section to post a comment on Facebook!  I was disgusted.  As if that wasn’t enough, guess who sashayed into line behind me when I wheeled into checkout? You guessed it!  

I caught myself judging this woman, questioning her lack of public decency and modesty. I was thankful that my 17 year old son was not with me. My poor mother was emotionally scarred. The list could go on.

I am embarrassed to admit, I have several stories like this. Times when I have jumped toward the negative and grasped a judgmental attitude like it was my right to do so.

As I was driving home, I was struck by the thought that I should love others. I am not to judge anyone, just love them as they are. Not one of us is perfect. No, not one. I recounted what I saw to my husband. He reminded me that I should love others, not judge them.  I am very sorry for passing judgment on this stranger. I am nowhere near perfect, and although I strive to be a better person, I constantly find areas where I can improve. I have made my share of mistakes, and I never felt the dirty look of God on me. He loves me no matter what I do. No matter what bad habits I have. As I reach out to Him, He guides me toward the path I should go, loving me the whole time.

I am reminded of this story:

John 8:1-11 (NIV)

1but Jesus went to the Mount of Olives.
2At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. 3The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4and said to Jesus,
“Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” 6They were using this question as a trap,in order to have a basis for accusing him.
But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.
9At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”
11“No one, sir,” she said.
“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

 

I am put in my place. I will work on softening my heart. I will work on not judging others, and loving everyone. This will not be easy, but I am convicted.

Bad Habit Part 1: Magnifying the negative

I don't know if I am alone in doing this, but I tend to magnify things that are negative, and overlook the positive in situations.

A recent real life example: My husband took a picture of me up close when a butterfly landed in my hair. I was thrilled that he caught this moment for me. I love butterflies! When I looked at the picture, I saw the wrinkles around my eyes. I even went so far as to enlarge the picture and gawk at how my crows feet had turned into deep cracks in my skin. I closed the image, then re-opened it to ruminate some more. I did this a few times, and spent way too much time lamenting on how horrible I looked. I then decided to delete the horrible picture of my ugly aging self. Thinking back, I never once looked at the butterfly. I didn't look closely at the beauty that was the purpose of the picture. I was so focused on not just myself, but my negative self image, that I missed the beauty of the moment. Now the picture is gone. In those few moments, holding my husband's cell phone, I even drudged up a memory of the cosmetic counter lady telling me how huge my pores were. Another memory surfaced when a dermatologist tried sell me botox and fillers. "You have the number 11 embedded between your brows," she hawked. When I magnified the picture further, looking for the negative, I found she was right! Shocking! EEEK! Run-don't walk-quickly, get needles full of drugs stuck in this face immediately, I thought. All of this negativity over a picture of a butterfly. What did that butterfly look like? I don't know.

My husband was confused, and didn't understand why I was so troubled over the photo. He was proud to present the picture to me. He sees me as beautiful, and does not focus on the wrinkles. God is the same way. He sees what is inside of us, not the outside. And, to top it off, when I focus on the negative - the inside of me isn't looking too good either.

How many positive opportunities have I missed, because of focusing on the negative? Countless, I am sure.

I am reminded in Proverbs 31:30 (NKJV)
Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.

What I am not saying here, is that it is wrong to want to look nice on the outside. What I have come to realize is, that I need to accept the things I can't change about my appearance (unless I am willing to get injections, that is.) I do want to look nice for my husband, for work, and for me. More importantly, I need to focus on my inward self more than I do my outward appearance. I am a woman that has aged 43 years.
New thought:  God, my husband, family and friends see me as a beautiful creation of God! That is the truth, and God loves me.

 My prayer today is that, now aware of this bad habit, I work on getting better God's way. Please message me privately or comment publicly if you would like to add something-or have been in a similar situation and can relate to working on turning this negative habit around.

Quiet time - Prayer and Time Invested in God's Word

This morning I was awake early and started reading in a devotional I received as a gift some time ago. I had never opened this book, even though it was given to me with a lovely note of encouragement written inside the front cover.  The book is from an insurance client I had in Las Vegas that I barely remember.The note is dated 7/3/2002 - twelve years ago!  The pages are so new and untouched that they stuck together. This book has moved with me countless times, yet I never opened it until now. It is called Seasons of Reflection, The NIV Bible in 365 Daily Readings with Special Helps on Prayer copyright 1994 by International Bible Study. This is the book I am talking about

This person went out of his way, many years ago to encourage me - with no way of knowing that his efforts would result in my encouragement on June 8, 2014. 

This verse is conveniently written on the first page:

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NIV)

I am beginning a journey today to read the bible each and every morning first thing and write in my journal about how, changing this one thing in my life's list of priorities, is changing me from the inside out. This book stood out to me on my bookshelf, no longer forgotten. How many times have I forgotten to read His Word and spend time alone with God? 

I am a results driven person. I want to see the fruits of my labor right away. I have often given up quickly in important things just because I didn't see a result. That topic alone could be a post all to its own. 

The lesson I learned today: I can not give up on seeking God. I don't know how many devotionals this kind man gave out, or how much time he spent praying over me. All I know is, he did not see immediate results in me - and he did it anyway. I scarcely remember him, except that he was an older, kind gentleman.  

My prayer this morning is one of thanksgiving for this man, and for his faith. My prayer is also for you, kind reader, that you may be encouraged to change this one thing in your life as well. Give to God your first minutes of every day and seek Him throughout the day. He has blessed us with so much.

Blessings,

Tammy

My past does not determine my future. Easier said than believed!

In the very recent past, I had a rough day. That is an understatement, for sure. I even had a public meltdown. Yes, I sure did.
I have spent my life trying to please others. While I am being completely honest, I admit I haven't done a very good job of that either.  I am constantly making excuses for myself. It is exhausting. I am tired of being tired. And right here, I catch myself trying to make excuses again.

On that particular day, in the not so distant past, I had the lovely chore of looking over my work history to create an updated resume. Seeing all of the job hopping, career changes, and mistakes of my life caused a downward emotional spiral that I was unable to control. To top it off, while looking into my past for dates, I was faced with my multiple last name changes. Yes, I have been divorced four times.

Before I knew it, I was in the middle of an important meeting having the aforementioned meltdown. Right smack in front of important people. People who I like and respect, both personally and professionally. People who have a say in my career future.

I was, and still am, embarrassed beyond words. I have had enough of this. I am ready to truly make changes.
 
But, how do I change? How do I accept my past as just that, the past - and move forward to create the bright future I know I can have?

I know, from past experience, how not to change. Despite knowing this, I gave my old ways one more shot today. Wallowing in self pity does not result in change. Crying does not help either. Nor does eating a plate full of sweets. All of these things result in burning red eyes, a blotchy face and an upset stomach. Every time. Oh, and a heavy heart as icing on the cake. I decided to top it all off with a handful of Godiva Chocolate Truffles.

Then, I decided to pray. I was not sure what to pray about, but I knew I needed to get down on my knees.

Shortly after praying, I looked online, and my YouVersion "verse of the day" was this:

Isaiah 40:30 (NIV)
But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

No coincidence here. A renewal is exactly what I need. I need God's help in my life. I am striving toward getting better God's way. I may be taking longer than necessary - but today is a big turning point in my life.

I am marking this day down as a red letter day for me. This is the day I decided to hand control completely over to God. Trust in Him and see where He leads me. I am not saying that this will be easy - but  it is surely a step in the right direction.