DAY ONE OF THE REST OF MY LIFE

Here I am, sitting in a hotel room. I am out of town for work, and I have been craving alone time so I can work on my writing.

Yet, I sit here staring at screen with under 10,000 words. I started NaNoWriMo - yet I have not written a word in 4 days. I sit here missing the frustrations, noise, chaos and chores of home. I miss my husband. I need to get to the bottom of my procrastination issue. Therefore, I turned to my dear friend, my blog.  A blog which no one reads. It does feel refreshing to openly let off some steam on here. Behind the keyboard, I find I am able to be sincere and honest. Knowing that I am sending my words out there comforts me somehow.

James 5:17 NIV  Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

I have finally decided to face old issues that may be behind my emotional ups and downs. It hasn't been decided if I will take my blog along with me on that painfully personal journey. I am seeking counseling in addition to praying and journal writing. Perhaps I will blog an anonymous journal. This will not be easy for me, but I know I am close to being freed from regret because it is written:
John 8:36 NIV  So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

What happened to bring my emotions to the surface and get me sitting down with my blog:
I had a client who was upset and was very hostile toward me. Calling me names, accusing me of things that were not so. It was devastating and I fixated on it for over a day before I realized that he was not angry at me, he is just an angry person. Perhaps he was having other issues, and I became the sounding board for his anger. I took it completely personal and let it hijack my writing, my happiness and it even shook my faith. This is not the first time I've experienced this. I often feel like an emotional punching bag for people, sometimes strangers.

And about my faith, I have not been as diligent with reading my bible or praying. To be honest, I miss my time in the Word and praying to God, thanking Him for saving my life. I witnessed a personal miracle! I live today because of my Savior, Abba Father and I don't even give Him time in my day.

Things have to change.

Therefore, I declare (once again) that TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF MY LIFE.

I must work on getting better physically, emotionally and most importantly, spiritually.

Now back to that novel after a quick prayer of thanksgiving.